Rock Me, (Rambo) Amadeus

This fine looking chap answers to the name Rambo Amadeus, so we must presume he’s a fan of both testosterone-fuelled 80s action movies and Austrian composers of the 18th Century.

He describes himself as a “World Mega Czar” and is a purveyor of “turbo-folk”, and will be representing the Balkan nation of Montenegro with his tune Euro Neuro.

And, to be perfectly honest he’s exactly the kind of guy who gives Eurovision a bad name.

Euro Neuro is basically just terrible Grade 9 poetry with an English-as-a-Second-Language twist, set to music:

I got no ambition

for high position

in the competition

with air condition

different mission different school

I got only one rule

always stay cool

like a swimming pool

I also feel like Eurovision is just an elaborate excuse for him to be able to hang out with sexy ladies and a donkey. Yes, that’s right – a donkey.

Maybe it’s a Balkan thing.