Of course, previous Eurovision winner Dima Bilan’s haircut is hysterical – evidence:
But that’s not what I mean.
No, I’m talking about the fact that the voters of Mother Russia must have lightened up, given the fact that they are sending geriatric girl-band Buranovskiye Babushki to Baku this year.
I think the judges in the filmclip may be the exception from this collective mirth, given their excellent looks of dismay during the (admittedly baffling) performance of Party for Everybody:
All I can think about when I look at these ladies is my late Polish aunt, who we called Ciocia (which is, no surprise, Polish for aunt).
Ciocia had 15 cats and always wore a headscarf, and would yell “no touchink” at us if we dared move a muscle towards anything at her house.
It’s fair to say she was possessed of a general witchy vibe, which proved very unfortunate one day when she went to the butcher’s and asked for “two fat children”.
She meant “two fat chickens”, but I’m sure the butcher thought there was some sort of Hansel and Gretel situation happening in Moonah.
Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think there would have been a place for Ciocia at Eurovision.
No matter how hilarious that would have been.
