Hello Australia! This is Europe calling!

It's Eurovision time! I'm actually in Europe! And Australia might even win!

Firstly I must apologise for the sad neglect of this blog during such a momentous time. As fate would have it, this week I have been distracted not only by Wednesday's 3-hour Swedish exam (!) but also by yesterday's deadline for my Master thesis (!!), leaving me with little brain space for Eurovision shenanigans.

However, today I'm finally free from my study bubble and am here with some last minute thoughts about tomorrow night's Grand Final in Tel Aviv.

Obviously the question on everyone's lips is, can Kate Miller-Heidke take it home for Australia? My answer is...maybe!

 
Let's look at the pros and cons. Obviously Kate has an incredible voice and Zero Gravity is a really unusual and interesting song: Popbitch described it as Sydney opera/house, which is perfect. The biggest advantage it has though is its incredible staging: I mean, seriously, Eurovision has never seen anything like it and even people who hate the song will be marvelling at how she's managing to fly around on that huge pole without falling off. That's why Australia's been racing up the odds ever since the first rehearsals began (we're currently in second place). Also, we've drawn the second-last place in the final, which is often seen as a huge plus because we'll be fresh in people's minds when voting opens. 

But Australia has really struggled with the public vote over the past couple of years without neighbours in Europe, so it's hard to know whether we'll actually get the points we need from the public (we should be pretty solid with the juries, as usual). However, I would say that Zero Gravity is perhaps more likely to attract votes from spectacle-loving Eastern Europe than the other top two contenders, who will probably appeal more to Western Europe.

 
Speaking of those contenders, one who can't ever be ruled out is my adopted homeland of Sweden. As I've outlined before, Eurovision is practically a national religion here and Swedes take the selection process extremely seriously with a weeks-long competition process. I watched all of Melodifestivalen this year and John Lundvik was an absolute stand out the whole way through. Too Late for Love is a great song, slickly staged with excellent support from his back-up gospel singers. Even though I'm a little sick of it now thanks to hearing it in every shop since February, it really could challenge Kate for the win.

 
And of course, we must mention the long-term favourite from The Netherlands. Duncan Laurence's Arcade is a really excellent song that wouldn't sound out of place on any contemporary radio station. It's simply staged compared to Kate, but that doesn't necessarily count it out because, as my sister reminded me, Portugal won in a landslide just a couple of years ago with a young man singing a heartfelt ballad. While all the Twitter reaction from Australia and the UK was like 'This is the favourite? Really?' during Semi Final 2, it'll probably have wider appeal amongst those across Europe who prefer song quality to spectacle. Don't count it out - in recent years the act at the top of the odds the day before the final has always won.

 
In terms of other things to watch out for, sadly a lot of the excellent wackiness was eliminated during the semi final process (adios Portugal), however there are still some extremely Eurovision entries appearing on Saturday night. The act likely to provide the most talking points is Iceland's BDSM-inspired Hatari, who will take to the stage in gimp outfits and fetish gear while screaming anti-capitalist messages in Icelandic and assuring us that "hatred will prevail".

Who knows what will happen tomorrow night. Maybe next year we'll be hosting Eurovision from Berlin (not a joke, that's one of the conditions of Australia competing: if we win we have to host Eurovision somewhere in Europe, and there's some kind of agreement in place between SBS and German TV). However, I don't want to get too excited so my gut says it will probably be Amsterdam calling in 2020 - and that also wouldn't be too shabby a result.  

Australia Decides 2019

It’s February, and you know what that means? Eurovision is just around the corner!

And what’s more, I’m actually in Europe for the build-up to the contest this year! But alas, the main show is actually not being held in Europe thanks to Israel’s win in 2018. Disappointed is an understatement.

However, I am still able to experience the excitement of National Final season at close range. Here in Sweden, the biggest of all the national selection competitions, Melodifestivalen, gets underway tonight and continues for several weeks until the Swedish entry is announced in early March.

In a welcome development, Australia has also joined in on the National Final excitement this year and everyone has a chance to select the artist we’ll be sending to Tel Aviv in a nationally-televised event from the Gold Coast next weekend (9 February).

I’ll admit, I was a bit dubious when this was first announced. The past few years we’ve been competing, Australia’s entry has been directly chosen by SBS and they’ve done a pretty good job at choosing great artists who reflect Australia’s ethnic diversity. With entries open to all this year, I thought there was potential for there be a lot of absolute dross.

But in shocking news, most of the entries are actually…good?

So I thought I’d run through the ten songs and rate them from my personal worst to best. Enjoy!

10. Mark Vincent – This Is Not The End

This chap won Australia’s Got Talent in 2009 and look, there’s no doubting he’s got a great voice, but this is the most dated song on offer. Still, he’s a shoo-in to play Javert whenever the next big-budget arena spectacular of Les Mis comes to Sydney.

9. Tania Doko – Piece of Me

You might remember Tania as being part of 90s Aussie chart-toppers Bachelor Girl (admittedly Buses and Trains is still a bop). This track also has a 90s feel, but that’s not a plus – even Eurovision’s moved on from this sound by now.

8. Ella Hooper – Data Dust

Another 90s legend! Who didn’t love Killing Heidi’s Weir? This song really isn’t that bad at all, but it still feels a bit dated. Ella is great though.

7. Sheppard – On My Way

These guys had a massive hit with Geronimo (which their dad/manager described during this SBS undercover investigation as “catchy as Asian flu” – charming), and this song is in the same mould. It might do well, but it’s a bit generic for me.

6. Aydan – Dust

This kid is only 18 but he’s got a great, mature sound. The song reminds me of some of the sexy male-sung ballads that have been doing well in Eurovision recently (for example, Austria last year) but it’s really dependent on performance.

5. Leea Nanos – Set Me Free

Another disgustingly talented youngster. 16-year-old Leea is a ‘wildcard’ entry and inexperienced performer, but she wrote this track herself and it has a really great contemporary Eurovision sound. Again, it’s all in the performance and she may be a little overwhelmed playing to the massive crowds in Tel Aviv.

4. Courtney Act – Fight for Love

Idol 2003 flashback! Courtney Act’s been carving out a great career on international TV lately, being runner-up in RuPaul’s Drag Race and having her own dating show on UK TV. She’s got a high profile, is an experienced performer and this track is a banger – we could do a lot worse than sending this legend as our representative.

3. Alfie Arcuri – To Myself

I never pay any attention to Australian TV talent shows, but this lad won The Voice in 2016. He really does have a great voice and I love this song. Like I said about Aydan’s track, this also reminds me of the recent sexy dude Eurovision ballads but I think this is actually better than any of those.

2. Kate Miller-Heidke – Zero Gravity

See what I mean about the talent on offer? Kate is amazing and her brand of quirkiness mixed with a phenomenal voice is a perfect fit for Eurovision. The song is unusual and fresh (though it does incorporate opera which can be a bit hit and miss at the contest). She’s a seasoned performer and would knock it out of the park on stage, and in any other field she’d be my favourite…

1. Electric Fields – 2000 And Whatever

…were it not for this INCREDIBLE number from indie festival fixtures and Triple J darlings Electric Fields. I mean, this is not only an absolute banger, it’s also cool as fuck. My favourite Eurovision songs are those that combine the singer’s mother tongue with English, and so singer Zaachariaha Fielding incorporating Pitjantjatjara and Yankunytjatjara is just perfect. I think it would also make an important and powerful statement to have Australian indigenous language performed on stage at Eurovision during the UN Year of Indigenous Languages. I love it, and while I don’t know how it will translate to live performance, I hope it wins and represents us on stage in Tel Aviv.

Don’t forget to watch Australia Decides on SBS on Saturday 9 February and vote (because I can’t)!

Olá Lisboa!

It’s Eurovision time again! And this year is really shaping up to be one of the most unpredictable contests in years.

Once again, Australia is taking part and, once again, we’ve sent one of our biggest stars to represent us. But will Jessica Mauboy lead us to our first Eurovision victory?

Sadly, no.

While We’ve Got Love is a great banger and is likely to score well with the juries who love a well-crafted pop song, the way the Australian delegation have staged the song in Lisbon really lets it down. Jess is alone on stage, doing all the heavy lifting with some intense choreography, and is wearing a dress that looks like it could be ripe for a wardrobe malfunction. It would’ve been much better to have some backing dancers so Jess could focus on the singing – as well as a different outfit so people at home aren’t distracted by the precarious fashion. So I’m afraid that we’ll probably see a similar result to last year, when Isaiah was a hit with the juries but scored basically nothing from the televoters.

So if Australia’s out, who is likely to win? Well, pretty much anyone at this point because even the punters are finding it hard to back just one particular horse.

Israel has long been the bookies favourite, and is still leading the betting, but this favouritism is still mostly based on Eurofan love and a great music video. Netta’s Toy is another up-tempo banger, with a bit more of #MeToo message. She’s a zany performer who uses a vocal looper to create the effects that open the song – including some distracting chicken noises – however she is not allowed to use the instrument on stage (playing instruments live is banned at Eurovision). On stage in Lisbon the wackiness of the film clip hasn’t really translated, and with Netta stuck behind a DJ-style deck for much of the song, punters aren’t sure whether this will cut through to the audience at home.

Perhaps the next best chance of taking the title is Norway, who have sent their previous all-conquering hero Alexander Rybak (he won with Fairytale in 2009). He’s doing his fake violin playing again to accompany the cheesy track That’s How You Write a Song. The levels of smugness are through the roof, but according to all those who’ve seen the rehearsals, it’s the most polished package of the lot, presented by a bona fide entertainer, which may see scores of people at home deciding to go with a known Eurovision quantity.

Another track that’s constantly been popular in the bookies’ eyes is Estonia’s bit of popera, La Forza. Again, it’s very well-presented, featuring a stunning soprano belting her heart out while surrounded by a speccy colour-changing dress. Punters seem to think it’ll be popular with grannies across Europe (after all, the last popera entry, Grande Amore by Italy in 2015, topped the televoting and came third overall), but it remains to be seen what the juries make of it. I’d love an Estonian win for my own personal reasons, but I’m just not sure this’ll do it.

Also up there in the odds is the Czech Republic’s Justin Timberlake impersonator, Mikolas Josef, with Lie To Me. It’s a cool, current-sounding track with a fun stage concept (plus some epic trumpet – perhaps inspired by Moldova’s epic sax last year). However, Mikolas apparently injured himself backflipping during rehearsals, so that may impact on the performance’s energy levels. It’s actually great to see the Czechs having a go and being up there at Eurovision though – as long as I’ve been watching they’ve never had an entry in contention, so it’d be fun to see them win.

Always a reliable quantity at Eurovision is Sweden, and they’ve once again sent along a handsome lad with a modern-sounding pop number. Benjamin Ingrosso’s Dance You Off has an upbeat sound and wouldn’t seem out of place in the charts, and it is presented in a cool, unique way – so remember the Eurovision golden rule and never count out the Swedes!

One of my personal favourites though is another absolute banger, which takes me back to the early-mid noughties era of Eurovision ethnopop. Cyprus is bringing the Fuego, and Eleni has an awesome Beyonce-esque dance routine complete with epic hair flicks and plenty of sass. Plus, you also need to check out the extra-ness of her music video, which for some reason is sponsored by pineapples. Slay Queen!

And my other big favourite, which is also pretty popular with the punters, is France’s electro-pop ballad Mercy. This is basically the Frenchest thing to ever French, and therefore it is awesome. It’s performed by the duo Madame Monsieur, a married couple in Jean-Paul Gaultier-designed turtlenecks and chic hair, singing (in French, of course) about the European refugee crisis. Try to hunt down the lyrics, because there are incredibly moving – telling the real-life story of a baby named Mercy who was born on board an asylum-seeker vessel in the Mediterranean sea. I’d love it if this won (following in Ukraine’s 2016 footsteps of sending a song with a current political message), but sadly I don’t think it will – mainly because non-French speakers won’t understand the moving meaning behind the lyrics, and France is a member of the Big 5 so it will only be performed once on Grand Final night, not giving audiences the chance to get to know it through the Semi-Finals.

Finally, it wouldn’t be Eurovision without a couple of completely rubbish entries. It is my sad duty to report that lovely Iceland have not sent a lovely haunting ballad, but a terrible piece of Disney-flavoured dreck sung by a young man whose dress sense is as old-fashioned as his song. Here’s a rehearsal preview to really give you a flavour of the badness:

However, the queens of Eurovision badness are back with San Marino once again providing the contest’s lowlight. This year they’ve recruited a pop-rap from Malta and Germany through a somewhat dodgy crowdfunded voting process, and also added in some robots for no reason whatsoever. Enjoy this taster:

So I have no idea who’s going to win and the bookies don’t really have any idea who’s going to win – we’ll have to see how it all pans out in the early hours of the morning this Sunday!

Hello Kyiv!

Although I'm being distracted by other things, I'm here with some very last minute musings on Eurovision 2017. 

Once again Australia's back in the competition, and like last year we're having to earn our place via the Semi Finals. But are we likely to do any good? Will there be another harrowing last-gasp loss a la Dami from last year?

The answer is: probably not. Look, once again we have chosen a talented performer with a very professional sounding song. Isaiah Firebrace (amazing name!) is already looking incredibly accomplished up on the Eurovision stage, it's hard to believe he's only 17 years old.

But perhaps that's part of the problem - he's looking too professional. It was mentioned by some bloggers last year that while Dami was an incredible performer, she didn't have that added emotional connection with the audience to get her over the line - like Ukraine's Jamala did with her misery-laden ode to the Crimean Tartars.

Similarly, feedback from Isaiah's initial rehearsals in Kyiv has been all about how technically impressive he is (which will bode well with the jury voters), but that he doesn't have that 'je ne sai quoi' element to bring the televoters flocking. Either way, I think Isaiah will still qualify for the Grand Final and should hopefully be towards the left side of the scoreboard by the end of the night.

But who will be the one taking out the whole shebang? Well, this year, Eurovision is all about the blokes - so Australia's actually pretty on-trend. In fact, I will eat my hat if a solo male performer doesn't lift the mirrorball trophy on 13 May.

Shall I be incredibly shallow and list them according to hotness? I shall.


Italy

Francesco here is not only very handsome, he is also the runaway favourite to take out the whole competition. However, I can't really understand why - Francesco's Italian charms aside. This song is entertaining, sure, and the lyrics are quite comical and clever - however the majority of the Eurovision audience won't understand what he's singing about as it's all in Italian! The main reason I think all the pundits are jumping on board this one is the gorilla factor - yes, he'll be appearing onstage with a man in a gorilla suit doing a funny dance, which is sure to stick in the minds of the the televoters at home. Whether the juries will be impressed is a whole other question. Plus, Italy's part of the Big 5, so Francesco is automatically through to the Grand Final, meaning audiences will have less of a chance to see his entry compared to those who've starred at the Semis - will one performance be enough to whip up a fan base? We shall see.

Sweden 

 
Ah, the Swedes are back showing everyone how it's done once again. Robin is hot stuff (even if he's hovering a little too close to whacko Paleo chef/Blurred Lines creepo in the looks department for my liking), and this is a very slick package. I Can't Go On has a very contemporary sound, and the business with the treadmills is a neat gimmick (even if it's ripping off another famous treadmill-based performance). The backing dancers are also highly entertaining - I like to think they've each teleported in from a different era, with their fab array of hairstyles. I reckon they're a safe bet to hover around the top ten.

Bulgaria

 
Ok, I'm not implying anything here about 17-year-old Kristian's hotness, as that would be highly inappropriate from an old lady like me, but he is certainly cute and is likely to appeal to the teenage girls voting at home. Plus, he's a previous winner of The Voice in Russia, meaning he's sure to draw the Soviet vote now that the Big Bear is out of the competition (thanks to some political to-ing and fro-ing, which you can read about here). This song is contemporary sounding, and he's got a great voice - in fact, it's quite similar to that other 17-year-old in the competition, our very own Isaiah. I sadly predict the Bulgarian flag will be flying higher on the scoreboard than the Australian one though.

Romania

Bless Romania and their tendency to send absolutely whacky shit to Eurovision every year! While I'm cheating a bit here cos this entry isn't just a solo bloke - the scruffily appealing Alex is performing with the lovely Ilinca - I had to highlight the fact that they've sent a mash-up of rap and YODELLING. It will certainly make an impression on the (drunken) audience watching at home, so expect to see it score pretty highly in the televote.

Moldova

 
Guess who's back people? It's Epic Sax Guy! Yes, the sax player from Moldova's Sunstroke Project, who became an internet sensation after their last effort Run Away in Eurovision 2010, returns to the stage in Kyiv. The three-piece band of blokes has another fun tune that probably isn't going to set the scoreboard on fire, but it does have back-up dancing brides and an epic sax break - so what more could you want?

Portugal

In my eyes, here's the real dark horse to watch. If you're looking for a good story and an emotional journey, Salvador Sobral probably has the best one in this year's competition. He has been unable to perform his quirkily charming jazz number at the early rehearsals due to being hospitalised with a heart condition back in Portugal. His sister, the song's composer, stepped in for him in the early rehearsals but he'll be there to perform Amar Pelos Dois in the Semi Finals. Now, jazz isn't to everyone's taste, and Salvador's performing style is pretty offbeat and full of tics, but soft jazz numbers in languages other than English do tend to go down well at Eurovision. He's currently sitting second in the betting odds, so he's definitely a contender.

So there you go - I reckon one of the aforementioned blokes will be the ultimate winner come Sunday morning. My personal favourites - Belgium and Hungary - are definitely out of contention because, while they sound excellent on the Eurovision album, they're a bit of a mess when performed live. Fingers crossed Isaiah makes it through to the Grand Final, and we'll just have to wait and see how it all shakes out on the night!

10 Things We Learned From Eurovision 2016

Well. What an emotional rollercoaster. After a day to process the result, I still don't think I'm over the heart-stopping plot twist that cruelly stole victory from our own Dami Im at the last second in favour of some tuneless political warbling from Ukraine. 

However, I think there's definitely a lot to take away from this year's Eurovision Song Contest - and if I'm honest, I'm not sure that things are moving in a great direction.

1. It's all about the politics

So, after years of me insisting it's all about the song, that assertion was blown right out of the water by Ukraine's victory. The late Sir Terry Wogan must be looking down and saying "I told you so". On absolutely no measure could anyone claim that Jamala had the best song in this year's contest. It was a dark, intense ballad with remarkably depressing lyrics and ear-splitting wailing - completely radio unfriendly and absolutely failing the sing-along test. For God's sake, it was about her family being murdered by Russians!

The only reason Ukraine won was the "fuck you Russia" factor. And look, I completely get it - my own great-grandparents were murdered by Russians (true fact!) so I have sympathy for the idea that Ukraine and its allies want to stand up to the Big Bear. But by having such a political winner - and make no mistake, it's the most political winner Eurovision's ever had - shifts the whole dynamic of the contest and renders the music pretty much invalid. It's a sad move, given that recent years the contest seemed to be moving towards recognising great contemporary songs as winners (e.g. Sweden's win last year). 

2. Russia has a Europe problem

With Ukraine's win, the run-away favourite Russia was frozen out, finishing in third place. Russia had absolutely thrown the kitchen sink at this year's contest - Sergey's staging was ridiculously impressive, and even though the song was a bit naff, it would have been a perfectly understandable and respectable Eurovision winner. To illustrate, please see the conversation I had with my other half during the performance (he was watching at work):

After two years of close finishes - they came second last year with a much better song - Russia are going to have to take a step back and take a good hard look at themselves so they understand why they can't crack the top spot. Hopefully it doesn't involve tanks.

3. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have phones 

The contrast between the jury and televoting scores was particularly marked this year, given Sweden's new way of revealing the votes. The jury scores were pretty understandable and sensible, but as soon as the televotes started to come through the scoreboard just lost its mind.

Great party bangers got hardly any points, while dreary ballads sucked up the votes. Some countries did absolutely mad stuff - the UK and Ireland gave 12 points to Lithuania's poodle-permed Donny Montell, Switzerland really liked Serbia's depressing domestic violence ballad and bloody everyone voted for Poland's Weird Al lookalike - more on him below.

4. Poland's diaspora is ridiculous

Now while this may sound strange coming from a Polish passport holder, something has to be done about the absolutely unfair televote advantage Poland gets from its diaspora across Europe. There must be more Poles in every nation of Europe than there are in Poland itself, and they're all picking up their phones to vote for the Motherland in Eurovision.

Seriously, Poland can send any old shit and absolutely dominate the televote. I mean, Michal - a Charles II lookalike with a ridiculous song - finished third in the televoting, beating us! Thankfully the juries saw sense and he only finished 8th overall, but it was ludicrous to see him up there at the end in the voting reveal. Of course, if Poland had actually sent a good song (*ahem* Margaret) they would have won the whole shebang.

5. Australia was the real winner

Ok, this sounds like sour grapes, but I think it's pretty universally acknowledged that Dami Im was the real winner of the song contest. She absolutely dominated the jury vote, and her song is exactly what Måns was like last year - a radio-friendly, well-staged contemporary song performed by an engaging artist with a spectacular voice. In short, it wasn't your typical Eurovision song - it was actually good.

And that was backed up in the comments coming through on Twitter - even the UK viewers who probably enjoyed the schadenfreude of us losing at the last minute, were united on the point that Dami was the best singer of the contest. As someone put it "this is like when a professional turns up to the karaoke night". 

All hail Queen Dami - she'll get some great European exposure out of this, and it's well-deserved. Of course, the bigger question is whether Australia will be back again next year. It's a bit unclear whether we'll get another invitation - and even if we did, whether we'd ever be able to win if Dami couldn't crack it this year.

6. Poor UK

So even though they threw loads of shade at us for not even being in Europe then coming over to dominate Eurovision, you had to feel sorry for the UK. They had a great song this year, performed by two extremely likeable young guys, and they actually seemed to be giving it a red hot go. They started the voting off pretty well, getting some well-deserved points from juries including 12 from Malta.

But then they only got 8 points in the televote, and ended up finishing in third last place. That was completely undeserved, and so it's no wonder they're going through a dark night of the Eurovision soul and questioning what is the point of competing at all. Can the UK ever win again? Unless they unleash Adele, the answer is probably no.

7. Sometimes we just want to have fun

Despite the depressing result, there were some bright spots in the darkness. Finishing in fourth place was Bulgaria with an upbeat dance number that was pure Eurovision fun: wacky costumes, native language element and insanely catchy chorus.

The delightful Amir from France also lived up to his pre-contest favouritism, coming sixth with his fun, uptempo number - giving the French their best finish in years. And cute-as-a-button Laura from Belgium also made it into the top 10 with her bouncy disco number - Australia loved it so much, both the jury and the public gave it douze points. These results at least prove that there's still some element of the crazy Euro dance party still alive in Eurovision, and long may it reign.

8. The US will never understand Eurovision

Amazingly, this was the first year ever that Eurovision had been broadcast in the US. While there's a small but dedicated fanbase for the contest over there, Eurovision fandom has been nowhere near as widespread as in other non-European countries like Australia.

To help celebrate this milestone, and the Swedish songwriter stranglehold on US pop music, they invited Justin Timberlake to perform as the interval act. Between his blatant promotion of his latest cartoon film and clueless pronunciation of Eur-O-vision, it wasn't an out-an-out success. Indeed, Petra and Måns absolutely blew him out of the water with their own interval performance. Will the US ever 'get' Eurovision? Not on this evidence.

9. Sweden should host every year

I've already waxed lyrical about Petra and Måns, but it really can't be said enough. They were absolutely everything Eurovision hosts should be: fun, funny and professional. Petra was also epically sassy to all the national spokespeople while they were reading out their points, which was a delight.

Sweden also showed they were not above making fun of themselves, or the contest, with a series of funny spoof docos about how Swedes came to dominate pop music and that fantastic Semi Final 2 broadway-style opening number.

But it was this amazing Grand Final interval performance from Petra and Måns which was the undoubted highlight of Eurovision 2016. A sly yet affectionate look at the contest itself, it sums up all the best bits of Eurovision and should be required viewing for every fan:

10. We don't know where we're going

Where to from here for Eurovision? Given such a blatantly political outcome, it's going to become increasingly hard for the EBU to deny that politics plays no part in the contest and they're going to have to work hard to put the focus back on the music. 

One thing's for sure: the traditionally-strong Scandinavian countries will have to pull their socks up next year - none of them made it to the Grand Final, apart from host nation Sweden who was already guaranteed a place.

Ukraine hosting in 2017 is also somewhat of a concern, given the instability that still exists, particularly in the country's west. They only just managed to host back in 2005 after they first won the contest - with the president stepping in to pull it together at the last minute after Sweden was put on standby to takeover hosting duties. And Russia is also already threatening a boycott next year due to the results - if they follow through, it will be interesting to see if anyone else joins in.

So it will be interesting to see how next year's contest shapes up. One thing I'm sure about is that 2016 will go down as something of a turning point in the contest's history.

Good Evening Stockholm!

Apologies for the radio silence on the blog about this year’s contest. I’ve been somewhat distracted by other things, but I’ll give it my best shot to take a closer look at Eurovision 2016 before tomorrow morning’s final. 

Australia 

First things first – what’s our entry like? Well, it’s actually pretty good – that’s why we're currently second favourites according to the bookies. Dami Im has gone into full-blown diva-mode for power-ballad The Sound of Silence, and it’s a showstopping number that’s sure to attract votes. Win it win? Maybe, maybe not – but it’ll definitely give us another good finish. And we should probably also remember that if we did win, there’d be plenty of disgruntled people across Europe who don’t even think we should be there in the first place.

 
I also want to highlight the absolutely inspired madness of Australia’s jury panel this year. It features not only Monica from Playschool, former Spick and Specks panellist Myf Warhurst and former Idol host James Mathison, but also…Shannon Noll! Incredible. Also, Lee Lin Chin is back as our spokesperson, which is just as it should be. Douze points SBS!

The Favourites 

So if Dami doesn’t win, who will? All the betting money is currently on Russia, who have absolutely thrown the kitchen sink at their entry this year after finishing second in 2015. They’re faithfully following Sweden’s recipe for success from last year: a handsome national superstar (Sergey Lazarev), an upbeat pop number and mind-boggling special effects. But in reality it all comes across as a bit desperate – we’ll see what viewers across Europe think. 

 
Currently sitting at number three in the betting is Ukraine. This is a controversial one – Jamala is singing an intense ballad about how her Crimean Tatar family was deported by Stalin in 1944. Cheery stuff. Now, I get the fact that people really want to see an epic showdown between Russia and Ukraine given all the recent political upheaval, but unfortunately this song is just a depressing dirge – and despite rave reports from the press room in Stockholm, I don’t see how pissed voters at parties across Europe will be sending it their 12 points. 

 
Dark Horses 

In a complete turn up for the books, France has also been performing fairly well with the bookies this year. Amir is an incredibly charming performer and his song J’ai Cherche is ridiculously catchy. Of course, he’s hampered by the fact that he’s a member of the Big 5, so only gets one shot at performing his song for the voters at home, but you never know what might happen at Eurovision. Also, I must confess that this is my favourite song from this year – and the film clip is super cute. 

 
Another dark horse has to be The Netherlands, who have returned to the country music formula that worked so well for them in 2014 when they finished second, seemingly out of nowhere. Douwe Bob is also very charming, and his smooth country-tinged number stands out as being something completely different from everything else in the competition. One to watch. 

 
Notable Absences 

Back at the start of the year, a very early favourite with the bookies was Poland. Why? Because people had heard one of the songs up for the national selection final and decided it was so good it would take out the entire contest. So why is Poland not still dominating the betting? Well, because they completely Father-Tedded themselves and sent Michael Bolton-alike Michael instead of Rihanna-alike Margaret. Clearly the Poland was spooked by the prospect of having to host the contest if they won, and so chose their equivalent of My Lovely Horse instead. Oh Motherland, you have let me down once again! Anyway, please enjoy Margaret’s Cool Me Down and think what might have been.

 
Also thinking about what might have been is Romania, who got the flick from this year’s contest at the last minute due to unpaid debts to the EBU. Ah, Romania…they’ve previously offered us onstage angle-grinders, duelling pianos and a falsetto vampire and this year they were going to give us a bloke who looked like one of the potato-men from Doctor Who singing musical theatre. A sad loss. 

 
Car Crashes 

It wouldn’t be Eurovision without a couple of absolute car crashes. Already out of the competition is San Marino’s Serhat, or as Sam Pang dubbed him during Semi Final 1, the Singing Dentist. He jazzed up his song for the performance in Stockholm, adding a disco beat, some 80s inspired backing dancers and a creepy-uncle-at-a-wedding suit, but please enjoy the original, slowed-down version, complete with monocle. 

 
Much has also been said about Belarus’s naked dancing with wolves. Yes, it’s just as bad/amazing as you feared - but also won't be joining us in the final.

The Big Show

I also have to mention what a fab job this year's hosts, the inestimable Petra Mede and last year's winner Måns Zelmerlow, are doing. Truly, Sweden are the ultimate Eurovision nation and that's why they're the absolute best at staging the event. Petra and Måns are funny and glam, and I wish they would host everything on TV. I mean, check out this incredible Broadway-style opener from Semi Final 2. 

And they've got even more up their sleeves for tomorrow's Grand Final, including an interval act by Justin Timberlake (!) and more fun-poking at Eurovision stereotypes. I can't wait!

So that’s that. Don’t forget to get up super early on tomorrow morning (5:00 am to be precise) so you can cast your vote. Fingers crossed for Dami!

It's Dami Im for Stockholm

 
So I got it wrong. Again. As announced by Conchita tonight, it will be Dami Im, not Delta Goodrem, representing Australia in Stockholm.

Who is Dami Im, you ask? Good question. I had no idea who she was until the rumours started surfacing yesterday* that she'd been anointed (after Delta confirmed via Twitter that she wasn't in the mix).

Dami won Australia's underwhelming version of The X-Factor back in 2013, and has had some modest success since then. She has a fiercely loyal online following, including some really passionate Twitter fans, and has made a bit of a splash on the Asian music scene (China, Hong Kong, Singapore, Korea).

There's no doubting that she's got a good voice, and she has a cool K-Pop vibe. But is that good enough to win Eurovision?

Sadly, I don't think so. 

The reason Guy Sebastian was so successful last year - much more than having a fun song and good stage show - was the sheer force of his star power and his name recognition in Europe. He'd also been honing his performance skills for years since winning Idol in 2003, and several of his fellow competitors in Vienna were in awe of his voice and stage presence.

Dami doesn't have the same level of fame as Guy, and also hasn't had the same amount of time to develop as a live performer. Plus, unlike Guy, she's got to impress at the Semi-Final in order to go through to the Grand Final, and that's a much tougher performance task.

For Dami to even get a taste of success in Stockholm, it's all going to come down to the song. We don't know what she's singing yet (that will be revealed next week), but whatever it is, it's going to have to be pretty impressive. 

Initially last year Guy was planning to sing a ballad off his album, before he read my blog had a change of heart and wrote his own fun, up-tempo track just before the song deadline. It was absolutely the right decision. (*ahem* NO BALLADS DAMI) It doesn't seem like Dami's writing her own song (that's not unusual, most Eurovision performers sing other people's songs) - but that means she's really dependent on the songwriters nailing it.

She's also got to have a really good stage show when she hits the Globen Arena. Particularly in the Semi-Finals, you've got to have memorable staging if you want to stick in voters' minds. We'll have to wait and see once the song is announced, and hope that Dami can pull off some diva-costumed, strikingly-choreographed, wind-machine-powered fabulousness.

 * As a side note, can I just say how unimpressed I was with the Sydney Morning Herald's reporting of this story? Not only was it not enough that they spoiled SBS's announcement, they did so with an article that was so sneering and smug that they completely disrespected all Eurovision fans as well. Plus the article was shared all over social media and became the go-to source for fans from around the world. This kind of 'Eurovision is a joke' mocking attitude from the media is what has really damaged the contest in the UK, and it is a real shame that it is starting to come through here now too. Though most Australian media have had some fun and taken Eurovision in the spirit it's intended, the SMH have just been all-round bad sports. End of rant.