Och Polska!

Poland – Donatan and Cleo – My Słowianie (We Are Slavic)

Oh Poland! Why do you always do this to me?

Every year the patriotic part of me wants to cheer on the entry from my grandfather’s homeland, to wave the flag and witness a Polish victory.

And every year I am disappointed. 

Why? Because they always enter shit like this.

Alright, it could be worse (it could be Latvia’s effort), but that doesn’t mean it’s any good.

It’s basically some Eastern European rap aiming to poke fun at stereotypes of Slavic women, but unintentionally ends up being an excuse for a soft-porn film clip (at one stage there it had the most views on YouTube and was therefore skewing the betting – however it’s fair to say people weren’t watching the video for the music).

Poland is actually back in Eurovision in 2014 after a two-year hiatus, ostensibly because the national broadcaster was focusing on other priorities (read: they couldn’t afford it). 

Perhaps they should’ve taken more time out to have a good hard look at themselves.

And Poland, please know that I say that with love.

Eurovision 2014 Preview

Every year I like to count down my top five songs from the contest, as well as highlight some of the absolute dross that will make its way onto the Eurovision stage.

And this year it's even more exciting as I'll be seeing those hits and misses live in the flesh in a little over two weeks!

So stay tuned over the coming days for some of the shockers from this year's competition, followed by my favourites for 2014.

Enjoy!

Appreciating Danish Culture

This year Eurovision heads to Denmark, thanks to the vocal stylings of Emmelie de Forrest who brought home the (Danish) bacon in Malmö last year.

And in less than three weeks, I'll be there!

In anticipation, I've been giving myself a crash course in appreciating all things Danish.

1. Princess Mary

Ask any Australian what they know about Denmark, and one woman's name will pop up: Mary Donaldson of Taroona.

Today she's better known in her adopted land as Hendes Kongelige Højhed Kronprinsesse Mary af Danmark.

Yes, she's the lucky gal who went for a drink at a Sydney pub and ended up being the future monarch of a European country.

Full disclosure: whilst I was a journalist I had to spend a day on "Mary-watch". 

Pretending to be paparazzi doesn't come naturally to someone more used to reporting on school fairs and forest protests, so it was pretty weird and uncomfortable to be standing on a footpath in West Hobart stalking a woman who just wanted to enjoy a holiday with her family.

Needless to say I'm not planning on repeating the stake-out in Copenhagen... although Mary's Danish home does look pretty spectacular.

2. Lego

Did you know that the humble Lego brick is a Danish invention? 

Lego is based at Billund, a town in Southern Denmark whose economy is pretty much completely dependent on those small plastic blocks.

Billund is home to the first Legoland theme park, and the second-largest airport in Denmark - which was originally built by the company. 

And the term "lego" actually comes from the Danish phrase leg got, which means "play well".

3. Pastry

So, you know those tasty pastries with the fruit and the icing and the sticky sweetness that we call Danishes? They're not even Danish at all. 

In Denmark, they're actually called wienerbrød, or Vienna Bread, as they were originally introduced by Viennese bakers in Copenhagen in 1840.

But it doesn't really matter where they're from, the fact is they're still tasty and found everywhere in Denmark!

4. Amazing Television

If you haven't discovered Danish television yet, you're seriously missing out.

DR, the national broadcaster (who is also responsible for putting together this year's Eurovision spectacular), has been pumping some fantastic shows in recent years that have attracted worldwide attention. Not bad for programs broadcast in a language that less than 6 million people speak!

From moody detective drama The Killing, to scandi-noir thriller The Bridge and political drama Borgen, they're all top notch - and can be seen on SBS, or on DVD, in Australia.

In fact, one of the stars of Borgen - Pilou Asbaek, who plays spin doctor Kasper Juul - is one of the co-hosts for this year's Eurovision broadcast, and is sure to bring a little class to proceedings.

One Day in May

Contrary to what most (normal) people may think, Eurovision’s not just one day in May.

Oh no – it’s a year-round extravaganza!

So while in Australia we might flick on SBS for a dose of Euro-cheese once a year (or perhaps three times if you’re truly dedicated/obsessed and tune in to the semi-finals as well), across Europe they’re living and breathing Eurovision for months on end.

This is because most countries have detailed and often exhaustive processes in place to select their singers for the Eurovision stage – indeed, many of these seemingly-endless quests are coming to an end as we speak.

For example, Azerbaijan’s selection process, Böyük Səhnə, featured six rounds of auditions, a “supercasting” consisting of five live TV shows, three televised heats and then, mercifully, a final. And this was just to choose the singer – they haven’t even announced the song yet! Yep, they’re pretty serious about Eurovision out in Baku.

And as we know, Scandinavian countries also take their Eurovision entries extremely seriously – hence why they so often win. Sweden's selection program, Melodifestivalen, has become a European institution. It features six live TV shows, each featuring a line-up of the country’s biggest pop acts, and the field is gradually whittled down through a series of finals until the ultimate winner is decided. It’s like a massive version of The X Factor, except solely focused on Eurovision.

No wonder the Swedes have come out on top so many times, most recently with Loreen in 2012. Her song was so popular thanks to its extensive pre-competition promotion that it was topping the charts across Europe before Eurovision even went to air.

Similarly, the other Nordic powerhouses also have lengthy, popular selection processes, with host nation Denmark and recent winner Norway wrapping up their respective Melodi Grand Prix competitions in the coming days.

Of course, there are other ways of choosing an entrant without a drawn-out song-and-dance. San Marino are simply sending Valentina Monetta along for the third year in a row - yes, she of the execrable Facebook song a couple of years ago (admitted, this may be because she is the only singer in San Marino, but still).

Austria was one of the first countries to reveal their entrant for 2014, with the state broadcaster announcing in September 2013 that they’d selected drag artist Conchita Wurst to represent them in Copenhagen. However this internal selection caused a bit of an uproar, with disgruntled fans taking to Facebook to protest the lack of a public vote – however sadly much of this outrage was basically homophobic attacks against Conchita’s alter-ego Tom Neuwirth rather than any kind of legitimate Eurovision selection grievance.

This week, the UK revealed their choice: Molly Smitten-Downes, a 26-year-old unsigned artist who was selected by the producers after they browsed through the up-and-comers on BBC Introducing (basically the BBC’s version of Triple J’s Unearthed):

On this blog, Guy Freeman, the BBC’s Eurovision Executive Producer explains that they wanted to take a different approach this year, and instead of just digging up some washed-up old pop act (like Bonnie Tyler last year and Engelbert Humperdinck in 2012), they decided to find someone who might actually, you know, win.

So what do you think? London 2015?

Hej København!

As any long-time Australian Eurovision fan knows, the Holy Grail is to make the epic trek to Europe to see the contest live.

For the past 10 years or more, as soon as the confetti stops falling on Grand Final night I've made the same declaration to whoever I've managed to rope in for a Eurovision party: that I'd head to whichever country had won the following May to witness the glitzy spectacle first hand.

(Well, almost every year...)

In 2014, I'm finally making good on my promise.

Yep, I'm heading to Copenhagen in May...and until those tickets arrived in the post today I don't think I believed it was actually happening.

But it is, and I will be there blogging live from Denmark – home of Princess Mary, delicious pastry and excellent television dramas.

So stay tuned for plenty of excited posts in the weeks to come as I delve into all things Eurovision 2014!

I've got Eurosong Fever, Ted!

Welcome to my new-look Eurovision blog, all shiny and rebranded and ready for Copenhagen 2014.

However, before delving into the depths of this year’s contest, I thought I should explain the new blog title.

Behold the origin of the term ‘Eurosong Fever’:

That clip is of course from the inimitable sitcom Father Ted, featuring a shemozzle of priests banished to a windswept island off the Irish coast.

(If you haven’t seen it, what’s wrong with you? Look it up RIGHT NOW!)

Perhaps the show’s finest episode – ‘A Song for Europe’ – centred around the hapless Father Ted and dimwitted Father Dougal entering the 1996 Eurovision Song Contest.

Now, this was of course in the midst of Ireland’s record-breaking Eurovision-winning 1990s hot streak, and rumours swirled that the country couldn’t afford to host the show yet again and so sent deliberately rubbish acts.

As a case in point, may I present Ted and Dougal’s incredible My Lovely Horse:

Given its cult status, I’m sure if Ireland brought that tune to Denmark in May they’d be racking up douze points all over the continent.

They’d just have to lose that sax solo.

Hello Malmö!

I have a shameful confession to make: Eurovision fever has so far failed to ensnare me in its grip this year.

Perhaps it’s because of the overabundance of copycat solo female singers, or the lack of a song that’s really grabbed me, or the fact that my attentions are distracted elsewhere…hence why this blog is looking so neglected.

But I’ve decided to make a last minute effort to get involved. So, with no rhyme or reason, or drawn out countdowns, here are my thoughts about this year’s crop of contenders.

The Good

For the first time in a while, I won’t be miffed if the bookie’s favourite takes out the glitterball trophy. Denmark’s Emmelie de Forest has a catchy tune in Only Teardrops, and she puts me in mind of a Scandinavian Florence (of ‘and the Machine’ fame). There's also a haunting whistle interlude, a guaranteed Eurovision points magnet. Plus Copenhagen 2014 sounds pretty good to me – popping in for a cup of tea with Princess Mary and staking out the Parliament pretending to be an extra in Borgen.

I also am quite charmed by Malta’s Tomorrow, sung by newly-qualified doctor Gianluca Bezzina. This may be simply down to the fact I’ve got a soft spot for charming, musically talented medical types (due to having one of my very own), but his song is lovely and the retro filmclip is cool too.

I’m also quite partial to Iceland’s be-jumpered ballad as well, in spite of this video which is very much “Kurt Cobain Goes Fishing”.

The Bad

Checking out this year’s entries, it’s quite clear that everyone around Europe watched Loreen take it out for Sweden last year and thought solo female singers were the new key to victory. Hence about a million songs sung by a lovely young lass, ranging from techno to Disney ballad. For all the countries that pull it off with aplomb (Norway, Russia, Netherlands, Germany) there are just as many who fall flat (Ukraine, Estonia, Slovenia, Austria).

Another country to jump on the solo female bandwagon (albeit with a slightly older lovely lass) is the UK, who are sending 80s legend Bonnie Tyler.

Look, I’m not saying that Bonnie is past it and her song is a real snoozer (I am)…but let’s watch Total Eclipse of the Heart again instead. I think this is how we should remember her.

The Ugly

May I present Cezar from Romania:

Happy Eurovision everyone!