It’s Eurovision time again! And this year is really shaping
up to be one of the most unpredictable contests in years.
Once again, Australia is taking part and, once again, we’ve
sent one of our biggest stars to represent us. But will Jessica Mauboy lead us
to our first Eurovision victory?
Sadly, no.
While We’ve Got Love
is a great banger and is likely to score well with the juries who love a
well-crafted pop song, the way the Australian delegation have staged the song
in Lisbon really lets it down. Jess is alone on stage, doing all the heavy
lifting with some intense choreography, and is wearing a dress that looks like
it could be ripe for a wardrobe malfunction. It would’ve been much better to
have some backing dancers so Jess could focus on the singing – as well as a
different outfit so people at home aren’t distracted by the precarious fashion.
So I’m afraid that we’ll probably see a similar result to last year, when
Isaiah was a hit with the juries but scored basically nothing from the
televoters.
So if Australia’s out, who is likely to win? Well, pretty
much anyone at this point because even the punters are finding it hard to back
just one particular horse.
Israel has long been the bookies favourite, and is still
leading the betting, but this favouritism is still mostly based on Eurofan love
and a great music video. Netta’s Toy
is another up-tempo banger, with a bit more of #MeToo message. She’s a zany performer
who uses a vocal looper to create the effects that open the song – including some
distracting chicken noises – however she is not allowed to use the instrument
on stage (playing instruments live is banned at Eurovision). On stage in Lisbon
the wackiness of the film clip hasn’t really translated, and with Netta stuck
behind a DJ-style deck for much of the song, punters aren’t sure whether this
will cut through to the audience at home.
Perhaps the next best chance of taking the title is Norway,
who have sent their previous all-conquering hero Alexander Rybak (he won with Fairytale in 2009). He’s doing his fake
violin playing again to accompany the cheesy track That’s How You Write a Song. The levels of smugness are through the
roof, but according to all those who’ve seen the rehearsals, it’s the most
polished package of the lot, presented by a bona fide entertainer, which may see
scores of people at home deciding to go with a known Eurovision quantity.
Another track that’s constantly been popular in the bookies’
eyes is Estonia’s bit of popera, La Forza.
Again, it’s very well-presented, featuring a stunning soprano belting her heart
out while surrounded by a speccy colour-changing dress. Punters seem to think
it’ll be popular with grannies across Europe (after all, the last popera entry,
Grande Amore by Italy in 2015, topped
the televoting and came third overall), but it remains to be seen what the
juries make of it. I’d love an Estonian win for my own personal reasons, but I’m
just not sure this’ll do it.
Also up there in the odds is the Czech Republic’s Justin
Timberlake impersonator, Mikolas Josef, with Lie To Me. It’s a cool, current-sounding track with a fun stage
concept (plus some epic trumpet – perhaps inspired by Moldova’s epic sax last
year). However, Mikolas apparently injured himself backflipping during
rehearsals, so that may impact on the performance’s energy levels. It’s
actually great to see the Czechs having a go and being up there at Eurovision
though – as long as I’ve been watching they’ve never had an entry in
contention, so it’d be fun to see them win.
Always a reliable quantity at Eurovision is Sweden, and they’ve
once again sent along a handsome lad with a modern-sounding pop number.
Benjamin Ingrosso’s Dance You Off has
an upbeat sound and wouldn’t seem out of place in the charts, and it is
presented in a cool, unique way – so remember the Eurovision golden rule and
never count out the Swedes!
One of my personal favourites though is another absolute
banger, which takes me back to the early-mid noughties era of Eurovision
ethnopop. Cyprus is bringing the Fuego,
and Eleni has an awesome Beyonce-esque dance routine complete with epic hair
flicks and plenty of sass. Plus, you also need to check out the extra-ness of
her music video, which for some reason is sponsored by pineapples. Slay Queen!
And my other big favourite, which is also pretty popular
with the punters, is France’s electro-pop ballad Mercy. This is basically the
Frenchest thing to ever French, and therefore it is awesome. It’s performed by
the duo Madame Monsieur, a married couple in Jean-Paul Gaultier-designed
turtlenecks and chic hair, singing (in French, of course) about the European
refugee crisis. Try to hunt down the lyrics, because there are incredibly
moving – telling the real-life story of a baby named Mercy who was born on
board an asylum-seeker vessel in the Mediterranean sea. I’d love it if this won
(following in Ukraine’s 2016 footsteps of sending a song with a current political
message), but sadly I don’t think it will – mainly because non-French speakers
won’t understand the moving meaning behind the lyrics, and France is a member
of the Big 5 so it will only be performed once on Grand Final night, not giving
audiences the chance to get to know it through the Semi-Finals.
Finally, it wouldn’t be Eurovision without a couple of
completely rubbish entries. It is my sad duty to report that lovely Iceland
have not sent a lovely haunting ballad, but a terrible piece of
Disney-flavoured dreck sung by a young man whose dress sense is as
old-fashioned as his song. Here’s a rehearsal preview to really give you a
flavour of the badness:
However, the queens of Eurovision badness are back with San
Marino once again providing the contest’s lowlight. This year they’ve recruited
a pop-rap from Malta and Germany through a somewhat dodgy crowdfunded voting
process, and also added in some robots for no reason whatsoever. Enjoy this
taster:
So I have no idea who’s going to win and the bookies don’t
really have any idea who’s going to win – we’ll have to see how it all pans out
in the early hours of the morning this Sunday!
